More pictures

 These are pictures that were taken professionally at the hospital.

The Birth Story

So today I had a realization, which has made me just about burst into tears. This emotional response could also be related to the fact that I am still very sleep deprived and hormonal. Sarah is going to be 3 weeks old on Monday, and that mean one week from Monday, my little baby will be a month old! I just want to cry thinking about. How quickly she is growing and how scary and exciting everyday has been with her.

I haven’t really written her birth story down, and I should have. I want to do it now it that’s okay. To start two weeks before she was born, I started to feel very anxious and emotional. My work was stressing me out and I started to feel contractions. I went to the doctors and they told me that I had dilated. I was very worried that I would have my baby soon, and I didn’t feel ready. I hadn’t even had my baby shower!

Things went smoothly and I really enjoyed seeing everyone. I had started to get very uncomfortable and for the first time wanted the baby out. At the shower, we were discussing names for the baby, Andrew had wanted our baby to be Sarah Elizabeth, and I liked the name but it didn’t really feel like it was her name. I originally wanted Emma LaRue, Andy really doesn’t like the name Emma. It was suggested that we compromise and name her Sarah LaRue. (LaRue was my Grandmother’s name btw) When I discussed this with Andrew he was fine with it. This was all on a Saturday and the next day I had some pretty heavy contractions. I was also thinking about my little girls name and felt an overwhelming peace. I knew that was the name she was supposed to have. I also knew somewhere my Grandmother was smiling on me (Sarah’s original due date was my Grandmother’s birthday btw).

I asked for a blessing that day, because I was certain that my baby was getting closer, and I still didn’t feel like it was time for her to come quite yet. When I do the blessing, I felt peace again. I knew that everything would be just fine. I knew that the Lord was protecting us, and knew what I desired in my heart.

The contractions ended when we went to church that day, and then we were able to have a great rest of the day.  I took this picture that day, because they say that babies are about the size of small watermelons. Any ways, everything did fall into place. I was able to tie up all my loose ends at work, and say good-bye. I was able to purchase things that I needed when the baby arrived. We went on a date night Friday night, and were joking about how that very likely could our last date night with out have to worry about having children.  We went to the movies, and I had some very strong contractions that night. I was nervous, and not sure if it was labor or not, but they kept coming, so we went to the hospital, and found out that it was false labor.

At this point I was distraught. In fact the next day was Saturday and I was home, and I started to cry. Yes, I was still very emotional, but I was so sad because I felt like I was ready, that my purpose was to hold my little girl in my arms and take care of her. It’s all I really wanted to do. My family had been trying to make plans for the 4^th of July with us and I kept refusing, and dodging making any plans. I felt like staying close to home, like I shouldn’t make plans. So the night before (again Sunday night) my Sister Ellen and her boys came to visit us and share the fireworks. That day I feel like the baby had dropped even lower then ever. That night I thought that my water might have broken but wasn’t sure. I went to bed, and at 4:30 in the morning I woke up to a contraction. This time I took it more seriously because I had taken an Ambian the night before, so I knew that to wake me up it had to be a pretty strong contraction, I kept trying to fall back asleep, and the contractions were like the snooze button, they kept waking me up. Now that I think about it in retrospect, I was calm about the whole process, and although I never took a class I knew that my body was going to do what it was supposed to do.

I then called my Mid-wife and she told me that some time that morning I should go to the hospital, so I keep trying to do stuff, and waited for my sister to come. The contractions were painful, and I kept forgetting to relax and to breathe. The natural reaction to pain it to endure, but I needed to do more then that I needed to embrace the pain (I know that sounds weird but it true!) Luckily, Andy and my sister helped remind me to do all that. It was the 4^th of July, and at 10:30 we were at the hospital. I went in and they check and yes, indeed I was going to have my baby today! It was unreal, I was at 6cm and moved to a birthing room. It was painful, but I was dealing, and trying to not get in my own way of progressing. Relax was all I could think, it’s going to be okay. I wanted to get into a tub because my back was hurting a lot from all the pressure. It wasn’t a water birth or anything; I wanted to just be there until I needed to start having my baby. Well, the nurses were being a little difficult, but my mid-wife arrived and helped me get what I wanted.  

Being in the tub worked like magic, finally I was able to relax, it was so much easier! By the way, when the mid-wife made it I was at 8 and a 1/2 cm, and it was maybe 11:30 at this point? I was so surprised at how quickly everything was moving along. In fact this may sound gorse or weird but I started to feel like pooping shortly after I got in the tub (remember time was a foreign concept to me at this point). So, we called over the mid-wife and she was amazed at how smoothly and quickly I was moving along in labor. She said it was textbook. We decided that I would get up and see if I would start pushing. I stood up and felt a STRONG urge to push, when I did my water broke. That’s when they saw the baby poop. They sat me down, and we saw that in fact Sarah was breach. She was already starting to descend, normally they do C-sections, because there are many things that could go wrong delivering breach babies. There were no OB’s there at the time, they had to page them, I felt like pushing and my mid-wife told me to do what feels right. It was so painful, I screamed as I pushed. I screamed and screamed, I then noticed that there were a ton of nurses there. One of them told me to stop pushing, it was so hard for me. I was told to push one more long time, and then the baby came out! I couldn’t believe it. It happened so fast. I thought it was 20 min, but later was corrected and told that I was pushing for 9 min. It was so painful, but the pain was gone in an instant and my baby had safely been brought into this world, the way I wanted her to be born, naturally.

 She makes this exact face all the time... I think it's funny!

 Her head is huge, and she had a little dent in it from my rib cage, poor thing. It did however, make more since to me why it hurt so bad in my rib cage.

 My Beautiful little girl!

 Notice her bruised bum :0(

 Honestly, if she would have been any bigger I am not sure if I would have been able to have such a smooth labor...

Since that small moment in my life, I have had many more trying moments. Breastfeeding is hard! However, now that I have had some time to take a step back I realize how quickly time has gone by and how truly blessed I am to have my family. I was explaining to a friend of mine how I felt about my baby. The best way that I could describe it was that from the moment that I saw the pregnancy test was positive till she was born, my baby was with me. She is literally a part of me, and when I am not around her I feel like I am missing a piece of myself. It is so scary and wonderful to be able to hold her, and hear her cry. I just can’t believe that she is almost 3 weeks old!

Updates and personal thoughts

First I would like to warn my nonreligious friends that my thoughts today, have a religious theme. However, Christian, LDS, jewish or agnostic, (or atheist for that matter) I feel like what I have learned applies to all (you'll just have to look at it in a broader perspective).

 For those of you that do not know, for the past eight months (or basically most of my pregnancy) I have been pretty sick. For the first little bit I took a drug that helped, but it stopped working for me a long time ago. In the past it has been in waves, I have always thought it was growth spurts or something like that. Recently, however it has remained the only constant in the ups and down of my pregnancy.

   I want you to know I am NOT complaining, because I have accepted this, at first it was really hard for me, because I didn't really understand why I was sick all the time. I think that is the first thing that I am learning, acceptance. When we are faced with difficulties or trials in our lives, once we get to a point that we accept that things just are, it's so much easier to deal with. In fact I often find it funny; like today when I was on the phone to my sister back in Vegas, I know I was going to throw up but couldn't get off the phone fast enough. I have to laugh that I finally broke down and bought so Poise pads (if you don't know that those are then google it).

   The thing that amazes me is the fact that so many people are amazed by how small I am, and I keep thinking, " Look lady I would rather be fat and happy, then sick!" Anyways, that's just a personal pet peeve of mine.

   The most important lesson of all for me was of a spiritual or deeper lesson. I as all of you know am Mormon, LDS whatever you want to call it (but if you call us something mean I don't ever want to know that...) I believe in Jesus Christ, I believe that he is my Savior, that he suffered for my sins, and died for me. Today I felt like I came to a whole new understanding of my relationship to him. He suffered for all, and he suffered all. What I realized is, when we suffer it's not so that God understands our pain (cause he really already did), it's so that we can understand his. So that we can grow closer to him, and feel like in a small way we can relate. The funny thing is (at least in my case) that I suck at bearing my burdens, or cross. I don't want it most of the time, and complain about it the rest of the time.
  
   Honestly, it make me appreciate God more, and this whole human experience, in a short while I will be feeling more pain, and being a mother will bring more trials, but I think that this lesson will really help me more on a deeper level to over come anything that comes my way.

So little time...

Oh my, next week I will be 28 weeks pregnant, which in the world of pregnancy mean I will be in my third trimester. This is the last leg for me, so far Andrew and I have an apartment with two bedrooms instead of one and a half,  a few outfits and a bassinet. I am so overwhelmed at all the "things" I need. Mix in the fact that work has been over whelming me, and you have a very tired, stressed, woman that just doesn't want to do anything. So if anyone reads this, please give me any advice you can on what to do to prepare for what it to come in just a few short months...

Baby Countdown...

It's a girl!!!

This is our little peanut, it is so exciting to see her and know that she is a real person. What is I think the coolest however is the fact that I can feel her a lot more then I did before. It's overwhelming and exciting to know that we will be parents before too long. We are trying to find a bigger place and our goal is to eventually buy a home of our own. That is an adventure in and of itself. I am so excited to be a Mom.

2nd Trimester

So, I wanted to share one of the most exciting moments of my life. Today we heard the baby's heartbeat. I know that we saw it but that was more like looks at something alien or foreign. I felt like my baby was communicating to me for the first time. I am so excited. He/She is healthy and strong, and growing just the way that s/he should. Now that it has finally sunk in that I will be a mom, now comes the new concerns that I haven't allowed myself to ask because I was so scared. Questions like, what are we gonna do once the baby comes, then there are the practical functional questions like, how do I make sure that I am able to breast feed if I have to work too. Or, how do I select a pediatrician? We also need to get into a bigger place, and I want to have a nursery for the baby. How do I tell the people that I have been waiting to tell?
     I am excited for my Birthday February 22 because I am getting my official ultra-sound that day. What a great Birthday present, Happy Birthday to me. We will find out if the baby is a boy or girl then. Until then I want to know that everyone else thinks we will have. Boy or girl? Let me know! I am so excited, and you know what I am starting to feel better too!