Updates and personal thoughts

First I would like to warn my nonreligious friends that my thoughts today, have a religious theme. However, Christian, LDS, jewish or agnostic, (or atheist for that matter) I feel like what I have learned applies to all (you'll just have to look at it in a broader perspective).

 For those of you that do not know, for the past eight months (or basically most of my pregnancy) I have been pretty sick. For the first little bit I took a drug that helped, but it stopped working for me a long time ago. In the past it has been in waves, I have always thought it was growth spurts or something like that. Recently, however it has remained the only constant in the ups and down of my pregnancy.

   I want you to know I am NOT complaining, because I have accepted this, at first it was really hard for me, because I didn't really understand why I was sick all the time. I think that is the first thing that I am learning, acceptance. When we are faced with difficulties or trials in our lives, once we get to a point that we accept that things just are, it's so much easier to deal with. In fact I often find it funny; like today when I was on the phone to my sister back in Vegas, I know I was going to throw up but couldn't get off the phone fast enough. I have to laugh that I finally broke down and bought so Poise pads (if you don't know that those are then google it).

   The thing that amazes me is the fact that so many people are amazed by how small I am, and I keep thinking, " Look lady I would rather be fat and happy, then sick!" Anyways, that's just a personal pet peeve of mine.

   The most important lesson of all for me was of a spiritual or deeper lesson. I as all of you know am Mormon, LDS whatever you want to call it (but if you call us something mean I don't ever want to know that...) I believe in Jesus Christ, I believe that he is my Savior, that he suffered for my sins, and died for me. Today I felt like I came to a whole new understanding of my relationship to him. He suffered for all, and he suffered all. What I realized is, when we suffer it's not so that God understands our pain (cause he really already did), it's so that we can understand his. So that we can grow closer to him, and feel like in a small way we can relate. The funny thing is (at least in my case) that I suck at bearing my burdens, or cross. I don't want it most of the time, and complain about it the rest of the time.
  
   Honestly, it make me appreciate God more, and this whole human experience, in a short while I will be feeling more pain, and being a mother will bring more trials, but I think that this lesson will really help me more on a deeper level to over come anything that comes my way.